In my job, I have to visit many properties on a daily basis, and during these visits I get to meet dogs ...
I don't mind our canine friends as long as they don't jump up and cover me with drool and dirt from their muddy paws. And in particular of course, that they don't bite! The number of times I've heard owners saying, "He won't bite, he's just being friendly, that's just a nip, if he'd meant to bite you, you'd see the bone". As if that's supposed to make me feel happy as I frantically wave my arm around trying shake of a dog that's clamped its jaws around my arm in a friendly manner.
In one industrial estate, this huge, mad-eyed German shepherd came hurtling out of his kennel dragging a chain that was last used to slow the launch of the Titanic. I'm always very calm and slow moving around dogs I don't know and this usually works to calm them. Not this time. Seeing the brute charge and prepare to leap at my throat, I took two quick steps back. The monster was in mid-air when he came to the end of his length of chain in a strangled snarl, not more than a foot away from my face. It was that cartoon, Tom & Jerry moment with teeth snapping inches away. I seriously thought about stuffing my foot down it's throat except I realised it'd probably be bitten off.
The owner appeared; a fat, heavily tattooed she-male waddling out of the grubby caravan, fag in the corner of his/her mouth and snarling an obscenity at the dog which of course, simply ignored her and continued to do its best to break its chain and tear me to pieces.
"Soft as muck, that dog," she/he said, "wouldn't hurt a fly".
These two in the picture are probably all bark and no bite but the thing is, you can never tell! I was visiting nearby when I saw them watching everything I did from their own personal little windows on the world. The owner kindly allowed me to take this snap and I'll make sure that I print a copy off for him.